Conan Learns Korean And Makes It Weird


(bass guitar riff) South Korea is experiencing a golden age of rapid progress and economic growth. In just 25 years, the previous war-torn country has risen to become the world’s twelfth largest economy. The birthplace of Samsung is also one of the world’s most internet-savvy nations. Social media is such an important part of Korean culture that they even have their own messaging service, where Koreans send over 55 billion text messages a day. (audience cheers) If I was going to connect with the Korean people I would need learn their language. (audience laughs) This is Kim Shield, am I saying your name correctly? Jin-sil. Jim Shield. Jin Gin Shield. Jin-sil. Gin Shield. Yeah, not the, so– What? Jin-sil. Chin Cheel Not the “ch” sound. Jin-sil. Yes, that’s perfect. I’ve asked you to teach me Korean. And in an hour, all I’ve learned is how to say your name. (audience laughs) Jin-sil. (audience giggles) I’d like to learn the culture. What is the correct way to behave? Do I make eye contact? Or do I avert my eyes at women? Just eye contact, but not like that. (audience laughs) A little bit scary. Scary, what I’m doing now is scary. So, you’re saying, look at people in the eye, but not too closely. You tell me when I’m too close. (audience laughs) I’m gonna start moving towards you, and you say when it’s too– Okay, that’s enough. (audience cheers and claps) That’s good. Should my expression be happy? Yeah, yes. But not, weird smile. Not weird? Yeah, like– What am I doing that’s weird? Okay, naturally. Naturally. This is my natural smile. (audience laughs) What do you think? (disapproving hum) How do I say, “Hello”? Annyeong haseyo. Annyeong haseyo. Annyeong haseyo. Annyeong haseyo. (audience laughs) Too much, too close, and too big a smile, okay. Eolmayeyo? Eolmayeyo, means “How much?” Yep, eolmayeyo If walk up to a woman and say, “How much?” (audience laughs) I get slapped in my country. Okay. Joh-a. Joh-a. Good! I like it! Joh-a’s good. Yeah, I like it. Heh, Joh-a. (audience laughs) Joh-ayo. Joh-ayo. I like it. That’s good. Apa. It hurt. Yeah. [Both] Apa. It hurt. (audience giggles) What are you thinking? I’m not, why do you think I’m thinking anything bad? Your thinking is deoleowo. Dog-rah-wah, is what? Dirty, my thinking is dirty. Yeah. I’m repressed. (audience laughs) Repression? Do you know what repression is? It’s when Irish Catholics in America stuff down their sexual yearnings. (audience laughs) Deoleowo. It’s pushed down. That’s deoleowo. Deoleowo. Yeah, deoleowo. It’s pushed down, and then it comes out in strange, sometimes unappealing ways. Deoleowo, your hand’s deoleowo. (audience laughs) Stop moving like deoleowo. They’re dirty right now, my hands? Yeah, that’s deoleowo. Uh, stop it! (audience laughs) Okay, hey, hey, whoa, sorry, that was me! Saranghae. Love you. Saranghae. Saranghae. Ah, yes, okay. Just say saranghae. Not saranghae. (audience laughs) Just saranghae, please? Okay, saranghae, love you. Saranghae. (romantic music) Saranghae. (audience laughs) Saranghae. (audience laughs) (music stops abruptly) (shivers) (audience laughs and claps) What is this? This is my stick– Your stick? for students. May I show this? This is the stick that you use for students? I’m using this for love. You’re using this for love. For my students. You’ve got a love stick. (audience laughs) No. And I’m the dirty guy. You use this to– Yeah. Actually, you don’t hit people, do you? I sometimes. Are you going to do that with me? Oh. Punch me with that stick. No, I, like this. Why do you like it? (audience laughs and claps) Stop it! Stop liking it? No, no, stop. Okay. You don’t understand my entire fantasy is a stern woman. I don’t like you! (audience laughs and claps) Listen, no please, just don’t jump to that. You are a stern school mistress who is unhappy and punishing me and I’m being hurt with your love stick. This is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Oh my God! What are you talking about? You’re weird! I’m not weird! Well, I’m weird. Yes, you are weird. Didn’t you look me up on the internet before I cam here? I’m famous for being weird. I’m a Grade A creep. Stop smiling and stop just– Stop smiling– Like moving your fingers like that. What are you talking about? Oh my God! Don’t move my fingers, don’t smile. Do you want to write your name? In Korean? Yeah, in Korean. Yes, I want to write my name in Korean. Yep, here. Do you, okay, here first. Okay. This is the Korean– Oh look, I thought this was a menu. (audience laughs) I swear to God. This is Conan. This is Conan. That’s Conan, right there. Look at that! Conan. Yeah. So, do you know how to write? Do I know how to write? (audience laughs) Without seeing this. No, I– And I will give you three seconds. (audience claps and laughs) What do you mean I have three seconds? (audience laughs) How’s that, and you get all this in? No, you’re terrible– Punish, punish both hands– Oh my God, you’re just being on purpose. Do it, I must be punished. Ah yes, and this one, too. Oh my God! Okay. You know what? Huh, apa, it hurt. Apa, oh! But I liked it, yeah. How do we say, “it hurt but in a good way”? (audience laughs) This is me? This actually looks a lot like me. This is me, and I do wear little boys underwear. (audience laughs) Okay, what’s this? What? Uh, that’s called meori. Meori. This area? Okay, chest. Okay? Is called gaseum. A nipple is– Jeojkkogji, okay. You just point to it. With your stick. (audience laughs) Jeojkkogji. Can you just skip? Please, I need to know. Why do you? I’m trying to learn. (audience laughs) Oh my God, just stop it! Stop it! Doing that more is not going to make me stop. (audience laughs) Where is your eongdeong-i? (audience laughs) Where is your eongdeong-i? I don’t think nobody can teach you. Do don’t think anyone can teach me? Yeah. Because you twist it. You think I’m twisted. You change to dirty things. I think I took your lead, I took your, you put out a message. I heard you with my, what are these called again? Say it? Gwi. Gwi, very good. (audience laughs) It’s more like gwi. Can we be friends? Okay. Is that possible? Yeah. How do I say, “Hello, friend”? Annyeong chingu. Annyeong chingu. Annyeong chingu. (romantic music) (audience laughs) (music stops abruptly)

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