Maz Jobrani Has Been Directly Impacted By Trump’s Travel Ban


>>Stephen: HEY! WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY NEXT GUEST IS A COMEDIAN AND ACTOR WHO STARS IN THE NEW
SITCOM “SUPERIOR DONUTS” RIGHT HERE ON CBS. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW,
MAZ JOBRANI! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )>>THANK YOU!>>Stephen: WELCOME BACK. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.>>THANKS FOR HAVING ME, MAN.>>Stephen: NOW, LET ME SEE IF
I GET THIS RIGHT — HAPPY NOROOZ.>>THE PERSIAN NEW YEAR, WHAT’S
CURRENTLY GOING ON.>>Stephen: HOW LONG DOES IT
LAST?>>THE FIRST MOMENT OF SPRING,
NEXT TUESDAY. NOROOZ MEANS NEW DAY.>>Stephen: ARE WE IN THE
SEASON OF NOROOZ NOW?>>IN THE SEASON. WOULD YOU MIND IF I TAUGHT YOU
HOW TO SAY IT IN FARSI?>>Stephen: SURE. WHAT AIM ACTUALLY SAYING?>>I’M STEPHEN, HAPPY NEW YEAR
IN PERSIAN.>>Stephen: I’LL DO MY BEST. ( MAZ SPEAK IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE,
STEPHEN TRYING TO REPEAT IT )>>WHOO! YOU GOT IT, BABY! YOU GOT IT!>>Stephen: GOT A LITTLE
SWIMMY TOWARD THE END.>>YOU GOT IT!>>Stephen: WHAT HAPPENS ON —
WHAT’S THE CELEBRATION?>>SO, IT’S BASED ON ACTUALLY
THE FIRST MONOTHEESTIC RELIGION.>>Stephen: HOW OLD ARE WE
TALKING HERE?>>A COUPLE THOUSAND YEARS.>>Stephen: AT LEAST A COUPLE
THOUSAND?>>THREE TO FOUR.>>Stephen: IT WAS FIRST? IT WAS FIRST, BEFORE
CHRISTIANITY, BEFORE ISLAM, JUDAISM. AS FAR AS I KNOW, IT WAS FIRST. THAT’S WHAT WIKIPEDIA SAYS.>>Stephen: OKAY. BUT THE NEW YEAR STARTS THE
FIRST MOMENT OF SPRING BECAUSE IT’S A NEW YEAR, AND THEY
CELEBRATE, WITHIN A TWO-WEEK PERIOD, WE CELEBRATE PRETTY MUCH
EVERYTHING WE CELEBRATE IN AMERICA OVER THE YEAR, WE DO IT
ALL IN TWO WEEKS. IT NEW YEAR, SO IT’S NEW YEAR’S
EVE. WE GIVE GIFTS BECAUSE IT’S LIKE
CHRISTMAS. WE COLOR EGGS, SO IT’S LIKE
EASTER. WITH WE GO DOOR TO DOOR FOR
TREATS, SO SORT OF LIKE HALLOWEEN.>>Stephen: DO YOU GET IN
COSTUME AND GO DOOR TO DOOR? THAT MIGHT FREAK PEOPLE UP IN
MARCH.>>NO, IT’S NOT A GOOD TIME TO
DRESS UP IN COSTUME IF YOU’RE IRANIAN. I DON’T WANT TO BE DEPORTED YET. ( LAUGHTER )
IT’S ACTUALLY INTERESTING BECAUSE YOU SEE — LIKE THE WAY
IN AMERICA, WE’VE TAKEN THESE TRADITIONS AND WE’VE PUT IT ON
STEROIDS. SO, FOR EXAMPLE, THE GIFTS THAT
WE GIVE IN THE PERSIAN NEW YEAR, MY FATHER, WHEN I WAS A KID,
WOULD SIGN A $2 BILL AND GIVE IT TO ME AND SAY, HERE YOU GO, SON,
HAPPY NEW YEAR. IN AMERICA YOU GET BIKES AND
VIDEO GAMES AND ALL KINDS OF STUFF.>>Stephen: NO CHRISTMAS FOR
YOU?>>WELL, WE DO CHRISTMAS, TOO,
NOW.>>Stephen: OH, THAT’S GOOD. I MIGHT THROW NOROOZ IN THERE SO
I DON’T GET RIPPED OFF.>>IF YOU WANT TO SAVE MONEY, DO
NOROOZ WITH YOUR KIDS. GIVE THEM $2 BILLS, SIGN IT AND
SAY, THAT’S ALL YOU GET. ( LAUGHTER )
WHO IS THE FOUNDER OF THE ZORASTERISM?>>I WOULD THINK ZORASTER?>>Stephen: IT’S YOUR HOLIDAY. I KNOW WHO FOUNDED CHRISTMAS. COCA-COLA. EXACTLY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>THE ACTUAL RELIGION, GOOD WORDS, GOOD THOUGHTS, GOOD
DEEDS, TEN YOU JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE.>>Stephen: I COULD DO THAT. AS AN IRANIAN AMERICAN, WHAT HAS
IT BEEN LIKE SINCE TRUMP HAS BEEN ELECTED? A NEW VIBE?>>IT’S BEEN GREAT. RELATIVES CAN’T COME, YOU KNOW!>>Stephen: YEAH, THAT’S
RIGHT, ONE OF THE SEVEN COUNTRIES, SIX COUNTRIES, SO
YOUR RELATIVES CAN’T VISIT FOR 120 DAYS AT LEAST AT THIS POINT. ( LAUGHTER )
>>AT FIRST THEY WERE TRYING TO SELL IT FOR THE SAFETY OF
AMERICANS. BUT NONE OF THE COUNTRIES ON THE
LIST EVER COMMITTED AN ACT OF TERRORISM IN AMERICA. THEN I SAW KELLYANNE CONWAY ON
THE NEWS. SHE GOES, IT’S JUST A LITTLE
INCONVENIENCE FOR THESE PEOPLE. SHE GOES, AFTER SEPTEMBER 11
WHEN I GOT FURTHER SCRUTINY IN THE AIRPORT, I WASN’T WORRIED. I WANTED TO SHAKE HER. I WANTED TO BE, LIKE, THERE WERE
PEOPLE WHO NEEDED MEDICAL ATTENTION WHO COULDN’T COME TO
AMERICA BECAUSE OF IT. I GOT AN EMAIL FROM A
NORWEGIAN-IRANIAN WHO WAS GOING TO COME VISIT HIS FATHER ON HIS
DEATH BED AND THEY COULDN’T COME BECAUSE TO HAVE THE BAN, THEY
TOOK AWAY HIS VISA. FAMILIES WERE BEING TORN APART
AND IT WAS REALLY UPSETTING.>>HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU HAVE? TWO, EIGHT-YEAR-OLD SON AND
SIX-YEAR-OLD GIRL.>>Stephen: HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN
TO THEM ABOUT WHY THE RELATIVES CAN’T VISIT?>>IT’S INTERESTING. MY WIFE IS INDIAN SO THE KIDS
ARE JUST COLORED UP. ( LAUGHTER )
IRAN YRN-INDIAN.>>Stephen: NEVER THOUGHT
ABOUT THAT BEFORE.>>YEAH. SO MY DAUGHTER WAS SCARED AND
SAID, DADDY IF TRUMP WINS, WILL WE GET KICKED OUT? I HAD TO TELL HER, NO, YOU WERE
BORN IN AMERICA, YOU WON’T BE KICKED OUT. DADDY MIGHT HAVE TO GO, BUT
WE’LL HAVE FACETIME. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: ARE YOU A CITIZEN? I AM. DID YOU GO TO THE AIRPORT
PROTESTS?>>Stephen: I DID NOT. I GOT UPSET AND WENT TO THE
AIRPORT PROTESTS. IF YOU HAVEN’T PROTESTED, IT’S
REALLY FUN.>>Stephen: I HAVE PROTESTED. I DIDN’T GO TO THAT ONE, BUT I
HAVE.>>YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE DOING
SOMETHING. WHEN YOU GO TO THE PROTESTS,
IT’S, LIKE, REAL.>>Stephen: YOU’RE THERE WITH
YOUR FRIENDS.>>YOU’RE THERE WITH YOUR
FRIENDS. I WENT TO LAX TO PROTEST, AND I
LEARNED THAT WHITE PEOPLE BORN IN AMERICA PROTEST DIFFERENTLY
THAN PEOPLE OF COLOR OR PEOPLE WHO WERE NOT BORN IN AMERICA
BECAUSE WE WENT DOWN, AND I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU. WE WENT DOWN AND WE’RE, LIKE,
PROTESTING, AND I WAS, LIKE, HERE WE COME, HERE WE GO. I FELT GOOD. THEN THE RIOT POLICE CAME OUT
AND I WAS, LIKE, OH, SNAP! ( LAUGHTER )
I WAS, LIKE, I’M JUST GOING TO GO PROTEST OVER HERE FOR A
MINUTE. I’M NOT KIDDING. THE WHITE GUYS WERE, LIKE, GET
OUT OF MY WAY, COPPER! HERE I COME! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: NOW, ON THE SERIES “SUPERIOR DONUTS,” YOU PLAY AN
IRAQI, BUT YOU’RE IRANIAN. IS THAT RACIST?>>NO, THAT’S THE BEST HOLLYWOOD
COULD DO, MAN! ( LAUGHTER )
ONE MIDDLE EASTERNER AT A TIME, MAN. ( LAUGHTER )
NO, IT’S INTERESTING BECAUSE I HAVE AN IRAQI ACCENT ON THERE —
OR ARKANS AN ARAB ACCENT. THE DIFFERENCE IS SIMILAR. WHEN IRANIANS TALK, WE TALK VERY
SLOWLY, HOW ARE YOU, STEPHEN, GOOD TO SEE YOU. HI! I AM IRANIAN! GOOD TO BE HERE! ( IN IRANIAN ACCENT )
>>Stephen: MEANWHILE — MEANWHILE, ARABS TALK VERY
FAST — ( SPEAKING VERY FAST )
>>Stephen: YOU SURE THIS ISN’T RACIST?>>I’M TELLING YA! ( APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER ) SO ARABS ARE, LIKE, ON COCAINE
AND IRANIS ARE ON HEROIN.>>Stephen: COULDN’T BE NICER. YES.>>Stephen: “SUPERIOR DONUTS”
AIRS MONDAY NIGHTS 9:00 ON CBS! MAZ JOBRANI, EVERYBODY!

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